Silent Tears
by BrokenXFacade
Summary: "That's when it hit him, how incredibly awkward his position on top of Tamaki must look. Anyone would think that Tamaki was trying to do something to the crying boy pinned under him. Kaoru could only imagine what Hikaru was thinking..." Twincest
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Silent Tears**

**Authoress: Shy Neko-chan~ Candice**

**Description: "That's when it hit him, how incredibly awkward his position on top of Tamaki must look. Anyone would think that Tamaki was trying to do something to the crying boy pinned under him. Kaoru could only imagine what Hikaru was thinking..." Twincest- Meh, sucky description due to low word count allowed on it! D:**

**Warning: STRONG suggestive themes, swearing, fluff, angst, slightly OOC Kaoru, HikaKao, slight KyouTama undertones, Twincest, yaoi (meaning homosexual relationships, don't like? Don't read).**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think I would spend my time fantasizing about the Twins if I owned Ouran High School Host Club? Okay, point taken, I still would. Haha XD But yeah, If I owned Ouran, it would be a yaoi. And a sexy one at that. Ouran High School Host Club does belong to its rightful owner, Hatori Bisco. I am just an obsessed fangirl with a plotline. :)**

**Dedication:**** First being, of course, Haley. Editor of whom changes her penname like none other. Haha **** Thank you, Andrea, for sending my cracktastic ideas I mold into this plotline. Also, thanksTyler, for nagging me to death to post this. . Hehe I'd also like to thank**** anyone who has ever favorited my first fic or reviewed. ****:o) I believe it is important to let you guys know how you encouraged me. **

**A/N:**** So…um…yeah, I'm back. **** This one is better, I do believe, but a little angst ridden, as is always. ^.~ This one is a little limey in the beginning. It's my first-er, actually second time I've everwritten anything remotely sexual, so go easy on me. It's also one of the only times I'll ever write in first person, so savor it. Heh So um…yeah, enjoy, please. (Damn, I make long-ass author notes! I shall work on that.) **

**IMPORTANT: Oh yes, I forgot to mention- italics are in flashback sequence, just so you know. :p**

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**Silent Tears**

_I let out a gasp as Hikaru pinned me down passionately into the bed, eagerly returning his tender kiss. My fingers tangled up in his hair and pulled more insistently as he began to lick and suck at my neck, "Hik-Hikaru!"_

What does he feel when he's with me?

I know I love him; does he love me?

Why does he ignore my love now?

Did I do something wrong?

_Hikaru nipped my ear and groaned softly as he played with my bare chest. I let out pitiful sighs and moans, needing more of this, more of Hikaru. Taboo has no place here, only lustful love. I worried my lip with my teeth, my cheeks flushed with heated passion, and tilted Hikaru's chin up, connecting our lips again. I pushed back against his lips needy and he reluctantly broke our kiss, taking a breath of air, gasps coming out erratically. I had to hold back a whine that would surely come if I hadn't forced myself not to; I won't play submissive uke. He leaned forward to whisper into my ear sensually, "Kaoru, I love you so much". I shivered and responded quickly; "I love you too, Hikaru", knowing a blush would have surely risen, if my face wasn't so flushed…_

Does he think that everything last night was a mistake?

Do I mean anything to him?

I can't bring myself to believe he's using me. He wouldn't…right?

Is he having second thoughts?

Or is all this a sick game to him?

_It's true that no one's first time will be perfect; it's all about experimenting and figuring everything out. But it felt very near perfect as Hikaru began to bite down my next and chest, my fingers lacing through his hair to keep him closer. He was playing with me, I could tell, experimenting to see what I liked.. I let out a hiss of pleasure as…_

Was it stupid to think I could be with Hikaru?

This isn't all our relationship is about, right?

He seemed so happy- what happened?

I wish he would talk to me already…

_I was consumed in lust, and judging by the hard evidence straining against my thigh, I'm sure he was too. I let out soft cries of desire as his hands began to head southward and into my…_

_Kaoru…Kaoru…_

"Kaoru Hitachiin!"

The young red head snapped out of his daydream just fast enough to realize the teacher was saying his name, wanting him to answer a random question on the board. He opened his mouth to tell the teacher he did not know the answer, but quickly shut it as he realized the teacher was looking at his twin, expecting an answer from Hikaru.

_He thinks Hikaru is me…tch..__.typical. _Not that Kaoru really minded, considering he was in math class, and he was fairly certain he would have gotten it wrong anyhow.

Eventually he drifted off into another daydream of his horrors, much to his disliking. But not before hearing the teacher reprimanding "Kaoru" and Haruhi for passing notes in class.

_Nii-chan, do you really love me?_

~~ Scene Change~~

"Kaoru! To whom do I bid this chance meeting?" Tamaki shouted quite dramatically, kingly smile in place. Kaoru honestly didn't know how he could be so loud and excited so late in the day. Usually by then, all the teenagers were too tired to talk much, let alone shout. And in any case, since when had he been able to tell him and his twin apart from one another? "But what is one devilish twin without the other?- Say, where is Hikaru, anyway? I figured that if I could find the twins I would be able to find Haruhi!"

Ignoring the pout that had formed on his senpai's face as he said her name, Kaoru figured the quicker he responded, the quicker Tamaki would just go away. "Hikaru and Haruhi had to stay after for detention."

"My daughter is becoming a- a delinquent?" Tamaki's horror stricken expression and dramatic arm flailing would have been hilarious to anyone who didn't already know him. But frankly, Kaoru wasn't in the mood to hear him go on.

"Honestly, stop overreacting. Hikaru got caught trying to pass notes to Haruhi in class; they both got in trouble. It's kind of funny, really. Haruhi was pissed; she said something about a sale at the commoner's market that she was going to miss." He let out a soft laugh as he adjusted his seat on the window sill; moving from his position with his arms around his legs, to putting his feet back on the ground to get more comfortable. Hopefully his laugh hadn't sounded as fake as the way he was talking. The last thing he wanted to do was laugh, especially considering it was hard enough to talk.

"Oh... somehow I see you tying into all of this. It's odd seeing Hikaru act on something without you. Is something going on? You two have been quiet and not nearly as mischievous as usual today. And you and Hikaru seem really distant. I assure you, whatever it is, son; your father can help you!" Damn. He's doing that thing where he can somehow be perceptive about anything but himself. Wide violet eyes bore into his own and Kaoru squirmed uncomfortably in his seat on the bay window.

"No, everything is alright. Stop trying to help a nonexistent problem." Lies. They were all lies but Kaoru couldn't bring himself to tell Tamaki the truth. A soft blush spread across his cheeks. Not from embarrassment or anger, but from being flustered. He choked back a sob he had been holding in all day; he couldn't cry. Not here, not in front of Tono of all people. "I'm fine. Everything is fine." he cringed as he heard his voice come out somewhat robotic. He had been whispering the very same thing to himself all day. It had become somewhat of a personal mantra; if he said it enough times, maybe it would come true.

He felt himself let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding in, as he watched Tono's deep violet gaze leave his while the second year strolled forward and sat beside him on the window sill. "Ya know, for the mischievous type, you're not very good at hiding your true feelings. I know what kind of person you are, Kaoru. You try so hard to handle your emotions all on your own because you don't want to bother anyone to admit help. You hold all your emotions inside and create a perfect mask so you can do what you think is best without letting anyone get a word in. It may be easy to fool Hikaru into thinking you're okay, but I know you're not." Tamaki ran a hand through his blond locks and looked out the window as he said this, as if it were something as formal as talking about the weather.

As if he weren't trying to delve into the inner recesses of Kaoru's mind.

Kaoru was at awe; who would have thought that Tamaki could be that perceptive? But along with that, he also felt a little agitated. Kaoru knew that Tamaki was used to being too close for comfort, but this was different. It was like he was trying to see right into him. Kaoru didn't like that. "Okay, fine sempai, you're right. I do have a problem, but it's not like you can help me. You live in your happy world where nothing can go wrong and it's easy to be optimistic. You would never understand."

Kaoru immediately regretted the words as soon as they came out; he hadn't meant for everything to come out sounding so harsh. But Tamaki was a tough man, Kaoru knew, even if he did act like a four year old half the time.

Though it did get a reaction from the blond. Big violet eyes widened as he turned to look at him. "Well, that's a little assuming isn't it?" He wasn't angry, Kaoru could tell that much. If anything, he seemed intrigued. "It'd be a little ignorant to assume that I don't have problems. No matter which way you look at it, everyone does. Even a beautiful and wealthy man, such as I! What really matters is how you deal with them. You choose to sulk and hide what you're feeling and thinking, but I choose to smile. You could stand to smile more, Kaoru! When-"

"If you don't mind Tono, I'm not really in the mood for a lecture." Once again, Kaoru felt horrible for sounding so harsh, but it was better to cut Tamaki off now while he was ahead. He had enough to worry about as it was, without having someone telling him how to think. He decided to cut to the chase before Tamaki had a chance to speak again, "look, I'm sorry I said anything and I'm sorry if I insulted you. You just...wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it to you. No one would, I'm alone in this."

Kaoru looked up again to see that Tamaki's expression had softened a bit. His eyes that were usually like that of a seven year olds', wide with excitement, had changed into a soft gaze. The blond actually understood how upset he was; even if he didn't know why Kaoru felt this way. He was actually being completely serious, now. Well, as serious as he could be, anyway. "How do you know that you're right about that if you're not even going to try to open up to me? Whatever it is, I won't judge you. You're part of the Host Club, Kaoru. You and your brother are part of my family." The gorgeous smile that he gave Kaoru could make anyone love him. No wonder the fangirls loved him so much, even his smile itself was breathtakingly sincere. Perhaps it was the prospect of knowing he had no one else to turn to, but something about that smile made him talk.

"I want to tell you. I want to tell somebody, anybody, but it's just not something I can talk about. Hikaru and I have a relationship that no one will truly ever understand. The girls at the Host Club have such a shallow perception of us. They believe that if we love each other, everything will work out it the end. Hikaru believes that too, but I know that it's not that easy, it never is. Even you and the Host Club, Tono, try so hard to understand, but the truth is: no matter how hard you try, you can never truly know." Kaoru was staring down at his hands, trying to avoid those sympathetic eyes that made him feel the need to choke back even more sobs than before. He blinked away tears he hadn't realized had risen as he said, "You can't know how incredibly hard it is to be in love with someone when you're constantly told that it's wrong and immoral. To hold on to them and love them with all your heart and be told that it's disgusting. To constantly be judged by everyone, it's horrible."

Tamaki had stayed uncharacteristically silent throughout the duration of his speech and Kaoru was actually starting to panic, thinking that Tamaki might actually get up and leave him in his misery again. He was about to risk a glance back at Tamaki just when his upperclassman finally replied. "You're right. No one will ever understand. But we do try to, and in the end isn't that all that really matters? I can't begin to understand how terrible you feel, but I do have an idea of what it must be like." At this point, Kaoru found himself risking a glance at his sempai in disbelief. Sure, Tono had been through a lot, but there was no way he could possibly know what it felt like to love someone and feel the utter hopelessness of knowing that you could never be with them. He couldn't. He just cou- "My grandmother, you see, is very set in what she believes. Which is fine, that doesn't bother me. It's more of the fact that she is never open to new ideas. It's not that that I intend to talk badly about her; after all, she was raised to have all these strict beliefs. When she was growing up she was raised to firmly believe that homosexuality isn't right and well..."

In the mind set he had been in all day, it took a few seconds for Kaoru to realize what his upperclassman was insinuating. Kaoru watched as Tamaki twirled his fingers in his lap and blushed a bit; it was actually scary how much he looked like a schoolgirl with a crush. And then it hit him. "Wait... So you really are gay!" Kaoru watched Tamaki's blush visibly deepen as he said this, about to open his mouth to respond to Kaoru's question, but he cut him off before he could say anything, "We all knew, Tono. We were just waiting for you to admit it and come out of denial. Though I must say: Your Haruhi obsession kind of confuses me a bit."

"Haruhi is my daughter! I would never have lecherous thoughts about my sweet angel! I'm not sexually attracted to her in any way! A father should never dare to think those kinds of things about their children." Tamaki, who had recently been in "proud father mode", quickly reverted back to twiddling his thumbs and blushing furiously; "Well that is beside the point. Anyway, as you already know, the slim chance I have of inheriting the Suoh fortune is in her hands; and if she knew I, her own grandson, was gay- no less having romantic relations with another man- I would never become head of the Suoh family." He didn't look sad as he said this; it was more like reluctant acceptance. Only the ghost of what seemed to be sorrow showed through his expression. He had accepted the fact of his inheritance long before then.

Kaoru wasn't sure what to say after Tamaki's heartfelt speech. Who knew Tono could have a serious moment? And since when had he been so emotionally mature? It was like seeing his friend in a new light; he found himself gaining respect for him at the moment. "I'm sorry I misjudged you; that must really be hard. Having to hide that from your grandmother and all." Kaoru gave Tamaki a sympathetic glace as he said this, it was odd seeing Tono unexcited, but true to his devilish persona, that quickly changed to giving him a shy smirk; It was too fun to resist teasing such an easy target, "So you've got a boyfriend, ne 'Daddy'? Better watch or 'Mommy' might get jealous!" He pulled up a hand to lay on his senpai, in an attempt to show that he was only kidding, but only stared in surprise as Tamaki squirmed and looked away. Kaoru's smirk widened as he realized what was wrong. "So Mommy and Daddy are finally together, huh?" his impish grin still in his expression as he said this and Tamaki looked back at him with a slightly sheepish smile. It was good to see that Tamaki and Kyouya had finally hooked up, all of the Host Club had seen that couple coming a long time ago. Except for maybe a slightly oblivious cross dresser we all know and love.

So caught up in his own thoughts and recent discovery, Kaoru almost didn't notice when Tamaki started speaking again. "-I guess in a way, I've always known that I love Kyouya. Even when we were younger and had just met, I never found myself able to get him off my mind. Of course, at first I had figured it was the excitement of having just made my first friend since I had moved away from France. But as I grew closer to Haruhi, I realize that even when I want to be thinking about her, he's the only person that occupies my thoughts. I really love him, Kaoru." he was staring off into space as he said this, almost as if he could see something that Kaoru couldn't. And even as such melancholy thoughts were being spoken aloud, he still seemed almost cheerful. His voice was soft, like the passionate voice he put on for the fangirls. Perhaps Tamaki really was as romantic and heartfelt as he was so prone to speaking like. "It was hard, trying to figure out how to please my grandmother while still caring for Kyouya. But now I understand that Kyouya really does mean more to me than her approval. I guess that's what it means to love someone so much..."

By now, Kaoru was once again holding back tears and choking back sobs as he listened to Tamaki talk about his love. It was easy enough to forget his sorrow when he was teasing and having small conversations with his blond sempai, but when he started to talk about deep emotions it was hard to keep in control of himself. Tamaki was never like this; so close to Kaoru emotionally that he could almost feel what the blond was feeling. All this time, everyone had had suspicions about Kyouya and Tamaki hooking up, but it was a completely different matter to see him talking about it. He sounded so passionate about Kyouya, and Kaoru found himself losing control, breaking down.

"I've always had affection for Haruhi, but of course, my daughter is adorable! On the other hand, I've always seen myself attracted to Kyouya, more than anyone. I don't find Haruhi to be sexually attractive in any way. But then, I guess that was my first clue as to figuring out my sexuality. It seems that everyone know I was gay before I figured it out! Well, except for the young princesses, but they can dream, right!" Tamaki just sounded so happy about being with Kyouya. And Kaoru wasn't so much influenced by what his friend was saying, but by just how he was saying it; with so much passion, but so freely at the same time. Like pouring his heart out to his friends was a normal occurrence to him. He wasn't even blushing anymore! Somehow, before Kaoru could really realize it, Tamaki's sweet musings brought back thoughts that Kaoru didn't want to have anymore. Thoughts of someone he had been avoiding all day: Hikaru. Thinking about his older brother made it harder to hold back sobs and tears. He knew he was slowly slipping into losing control of himself, and finally resigned himself to letting go, it was time to stop pretending.

Kaoru's slightly feminine frame shook as suppressed sobs wracked his body and tears came to his eyes. Tamaki, as oblivious as ever, was still rattling on about Kyouya, completely unaware of the crying twin beside him. The younger boy just couldn't stop the tears as they set in.

"And it's amazing to feel that Kyouya and I bo- Kaoru? What's wrong? You're crying...was it something I said?" His voice was silken smooth like honey and full of sympathy. The younger boy had seen his senpai act like this only about himself, never about Kaoru. Being the secluded twin he was, Kaoru had never felt this close to anyone, aside from Hikaru, in his life. It was oddly comforting to the boy.

The charade Kaoru had been playing all day was finally over. Tamaki had already seen him on the verge of crying, so he let the tears fall freely now. Feeling them slowly make their way down his face and watching them make pinpricks of liquid on his Ouran uniform. He felt his throat close up in the way it always did when he was upset; when he was holding back loud sobs. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to cry out openly; he still had some dignity left.

Slowly, almost tentatively, Tamaki slipped a hand into Kaoru's lap; a gesture of trying to hold the younger boy's hand in comfort. Kaoru let him grasp his hand, strangely comforted by this small bit of body language. Hands slightly wet with fallen tears, Kaoru let Tamaki get close to him, as he spoke these next words, "Kaoru; I mean it when I say, if you need to tell me anything, you know you can. I know you're not used to letting people in and I can understand why, but just this once, let me try to understand you." Golden eyes met violet as Kaoru glanced up to meet Tamaki's gaze. To see if everything he was saying was really true, testing him.

His blond sempai stared back with as much intensity as Kaoru so often felt when he was around him. It was at that moment that Kaoru knew- Tamaki really did mean every comforting word he uttered. And so for the first time since the girl that had changed everything joined the Host Club, Kaoru opened up and let someone else into his and Hikaru's small, shared world. Clutching Tamaki's hand as a sense of a security, Kaoru muttered softly, "Tamaki...you know how close Hikaru and I are...that we are, in fact, together?"

"Yes..." a content smile made its way to Tamaki's face as he said this small word. He was obviously pleased that he had gotten Kaoru to open up, maybe happy, even.

"Yes well, Hikaru and I were just fooling around in our room and- and we started kissing. Somehow, everything got so intense and I don't know how- it was all moving so fast- and we- we...um...got a little- er...intimate."

"What do you mean?" Kaoru's face tinged in a light blush as he realized his sempai wasn't quite following what he meant to say. Tamaki had never really been good at noticing when someone was trying to nonchalantly tell him something. Kaoru hadn't ever felt this embarrassed before, it was always his and Hikaru's job to tease Tono and embarrass him; was this how Tamaki felt when they teased him? Tamaki was staring at Kaoru with blank expression of wonder, before saying "Oh, do you mean to say that Hikaru confessed to you? That's great, Kaoru. I'm a little confused as to why you're so upset, though."

"No, Mi 'lord you're not quite getting it..." Kaoru looked away in frustration, face slowly turning a deeper shade of pink in embarrassment. "Look, I mean...we... you know." He proceeded to make a very obscene hand gesture.

Tamaki merely blinked in wonder. He still obviously wasn't getting it and Kaoru felt his sanity slowly leaving him.

"We….ya know, did the dirty deed?" The younger boy sighed softly and pulled his hand out of Tamaki's lap to run through his hair. By now he had stopped crying and it was getting a little frustrating to deal with Tono.

"…." Tamaki was still lost. Kaoru raised his eyebrows suggestively and his counterpart titled his head in confusion.

"You really still don't get it? How are you Kyouya's boyfriend! There's no way the Shadow Lord would keep you this innocent!"

"Well….he does explain quite a lot of…questionable things to me…" Tamaki had a brief look of horror on his face as he said this and Kaoru could only silently wonder what horrors the dark boy had told him.

At this point, Kaoru couldn't stop fidgeting in embarrassment and stood up; standing in front of Tamaki, now. "Do I really have to spell it out to you! We…we….oh, for the love of God; we had sex!" Having reached the peak of his frustration and stress, Kaoru was taken by surprise when his reply had come out so blunt. And then he realized with horror that the last three words of his sentence had come out in a yell. A very loud yell; a yell that anyone in the current wing or Ouran they sat in could hear. Oh. Shit.

Tears immediately filled the young red head's eyes as he felt himself become overwhelmed with embarrassment, hands coming up to cover his mouth as he listened to his voice echo throughout the grand hall. He took one step back, preparing to run away, when Tamaki's soft touch was felt on his arm. A light blush was on Tamaki's face as he said, "Oh, why didn't you just say that, Kaoru?"

Tamaki's gaze was gentle and he seemed almost completely unfazed by the younger boy's words. He motioned for Kaoru to come forward, and the boy hesitated before obeying his senpai. Strong arms wrapped around his smaller frame as the blond pulled him into his lap, an oddly bold move, considering what kind of relationship the two had.

Kaoru gratefully snuggled into the warmth his friend offered, forgetting for that moment that he shouldn't let his guard down, and at that point, he didn't even care anymore. It was nice to have someone, anyone, to come to and Kaoru was none too shy as he melted into Tamaki's body frame, letting the sobs rock his body again, freely crying now. As Tamaki held him in his lap on the surprisingly large window sill, Kaoru clung to him like a child to his mother, whining into his chest.

"…Kaoru? Why are you so upset? Hikaru, did he-I mean, he didn't…hurt you, right?" Kaoru leaned back a bit, so that he could see his friend face to face, as he shook his head furiously, in answer.

"No! He wouldn't! He would never do anything to hurt me…he just…we- well, all of it was perfect, and he was really gentle with me. It-it was everything I'd thought it would be, it's just," tears were still slipping down Kaoru's face, illuminating his golden eyes and he paused to hiccup before continuing. "Everything was so perfect and I was so happy, when we fell asleep last night he whispered to me over and over again how much he loved me but- but this morning I woke up and he wasn't in bed anymore. I was a little hurt, because he had gotten up to shower without me. We always shower together, the only time we don't is when we're fighting, but I had figured he-he just thought I needed more sleep after last night. But when he got out of the shower, I made a move to give him a good morning kiss and-and he pulled away really quickly and hasn't looked me in the eye all morning. I know I probably sound stupid but…but Hikaru and I just aren't distant. Even when we weren't together we still had an intense level of closeness. I just don't know what's happening to us." Kaoru looked down again, unable to look at his senpai as he poured his heart out to the blond boy. He shuddered as he felt Tamaki take him in tighter against his chest, trying to come up with the words to comfort the crying boy.

"…Kaoru, what are you most afraid of?" Tamaki's voice had a level of sincerity and kindness that Kaoru had never felt from anyone other than his brother. As he and his twin had grown up, their parents were rarely around and they had never really had anyone other than each other. It was almost too hard to believe that he could actually trust someone else.

"I guess that he…I dunno….changed his mind. That all this time I thought he loved me, but he was only using me. Manipulating me." Kaoru could feel his tears falling faster and he started hyperventilating a bit, like he always did when he was extremely upset and anxious. Tamaki had such an odd way of comforting others, but so sincere at the same time.

"He would never do that, you know. Hikaru really does love you, Kaoru. I don't know if you realize it, but every time he knows that one of the young princesses has your attention, he's unbelievably jealous. He can't stop glaring; and when sees you laughing, I've never seen him look so happy. He looks like he could just keep staring for hours and never get tired of watching you smile. You make him who he is and he makes you who you are; you could never stand to be away from each other, because you're practically one person in the way that you affect each other. You are two different people, but at the same time you aren't….but I guess that's also part of your character, ne?" He was slowly rubbing Kaoru's back, trying to calm him down while telling him what he honestly thought. He had a soft smile on his face that Kaoru couldn't see, but the younger boy could hear it in his voice, the honesty that he felt.

Kaoru was caught in a mass of emotions, barely able to decipher one feeling from another when he felt the older boy's hands slowly move his body back against the wall, so that he was still in Tamaki's lap but could feel the cold marble of the wall behind him on his back. In the back of his mind he registered footsteps coming closer but quickly disregarded it as he felt that intense violet gaze meet his eyes again, feeling a hand come up to tilt his head back, the other coming up to brush tears from away from his eyes. His breathing had slowed, but almost quickened again as Tamaki leaned in dangerously close, rubbing his ginger hair back and helping his slightly disheveled appearance. "Tamaki, I-"

"Hey Kaoru, they finally let me out of deten…" Hikaru let his sentence trail off, as he was clearly surveying the scene before him. Kaoru quickly glanced over to see his brother, mouth agape and eyes wide in confusion. That's when it hit him, how incredibly awkward his position on top of Tamaki must look, tears still clearly making their way down his face. Anyone that had randomly walked by would think that Tamaki was trying to do something to the crying boy pinned underneath him. And Kaoru could only imagine what thoughts were going through his incredibly possessive older brother's mind. "Tamaki; what the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard?"

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**Oh wow, I do believe I suck at making cliff hangers. XD Haha Well, I needed to, okay? This one is almost 5,000 words as it is, and I don't want to make a oneshot so long everyone gives up on reading it, ya know? So alas, it is going to be a two shot. X3 How was it? Good? Bad? Alright? I suck and you hate it? Leave a review and give me constructive crit. I can take it. ^.^ No flames, please.**

**Chapter/ twoshot part two, out soon! I've written a bit of it already. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back! I sincerely apologize for leaving you guys hanging for like, three months. DX What can I say, school AND writer's block is a bitch. ;-; Just remember guys: I will NEVER abandon a fic without alerting you guys, cause that's just a douche move. I will always write "discontinued" or "hiatus" if I decide to give up on a fic or take some time off. :) I won't leave you guys hanging.**

**Before I have you read this: Thank you to anyone that reviewed, faved, or alerted this story, I am truly thankful for all the kid reviews I got and you guys keep me writing. =] I was so amazed that a had gotten as many reviews as my last fic, and this one isn't even over. And twenty seven story alerts! O.O I dedicate this to all you guys that inspired, influenced, and motivated me to post again. **

**Okay, so as a note, this chapter has scarce, but crude language that may be offensive to some. I personally find that using curse words too often is very vulgar, so I do humbly apologize to those who might be the same as I. **

**The fluff bunnies come out. XD I tried, but I honestly fall short with writing fluff, but it's all part of practicing, ne? **

**(NOTE: only the italics at the beginning are flashback sequence. Otherwise, it's Kaoru's thoughts, or emphasizing a point)**

**~ Your humble writer, Shy Neko-chan ^0~**

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_Kaoru was caught in a mass of emotions, barely able to decipher one feeling from another when he felt the older boy's hands slowly move his body back against the wall, so that he was still in Tamaki's lap but could feel the cold marble of the wall behind him on his back. In the back of his mind he registered footsteps coming closer but quickly disregarded it as he felt that intense violet gaze meet his eyes again, feeling a hand come up to tilt his head back, the other coming up to brush tears from away from his eyes. His breathing had slowed, but almost quickened again as Tamaki leaned in dangerously close, rubbing his ginger hair back and helping his slightly disheveled appearance. "Tamaki, I-"_

_"Hey Kaoru, they finally let me out of deten…" Hikaru let his sentence trail off, as he was clearly surveying the scene before him. Kaoru quickly glanced over to see his brother, mouth agape and eyes wide in confusion. That's when it hit him, how incredibly awkward his position on top of Tamaki must look, tears still clearly making their way down his face. Anyone that had randomly walked by would think that Tamaki was trying to do something to the crying boy pinned underneath him. And Kaoru could only imagine what thoughts were going through his incredibly possessive older brother's mind. "Tamaki; what the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard?"_

**~0~**

Before Kaoru could take in the situation, Hikaru had already brought up a fist and punched Tamaki, the blond letting out a yelp of pain, blood dripping down his mouth from where he'd bitten his lip from the impact and split it open.

Tamaki's grasp around Kaoru's waist slackened as his body was thrown back against the hard surface of the bay window. Kaoru was still deeply surprised and struggled to stand up so he could stop his older brother from hurting Tamaki. Hikaru, eyes lit with fury, already had his hand clutching the front of Tamaki's shirt, the other posed to strike him again. Knowing he had to act quickly, Kaoru leaped up, staggering a bit.

"-Hikaru, don't!", Kaoru shouted, surprising himself by how loud he ended up sounding. His brother's eyes flashed with anger, but that look faltered as he realized it was Kaoru who had stopped him, as their gazes met. Hikaru's eyes and expression softened to the way they always looked when the two were alone and away from the rest of the Host Club; Kaoru suddenly felt very weak again, and he had to will himself to break their shared gaze, muttering a quiet reply. "It's a misunderstanding; don't hurt Tono."

His grip loosened on Tamaki's shirt, causing Tamaki to slump back against the window, lip bleeding a little from where his teeth had grated against his lip when Hikaru had delivered the blow. His brother fiercely glared back at Tamaki, the happy look in his eyes intense hate for the blond before him.

"I never want to see you touch Kaoru like that ever again, and I won't let you off so easily next time. You're only lucky that Kaoru was here to stop me", Hikaru nearly ground out, taking Kaoru's hand, his body tense as he took it in his own, "Kaoru, we're going home."

"But Hikaru, Tamaki's-"

"We're leaving!" Kaoru had never seen his brother look so angry before. He was a little immature and prone to temper tantrums, but this was to a completely new level.

And with a quickly mouthed 'Sorry' to Tamaki, the blond managing a pitiful smile through a bloody lip, Hikaru began to forcefully lead him through the many halls of Ouran. Remembering how broken Tamaki looked only fueled the flames of intense anger in him for his older twin.

As they walked, Kaoru only felt his anger and frustration raising into frightening heights. Hikaru's steps began to grow wider, and the hand clutching his only seemed to tighten, and become more tense. Finally, Kaoru's anger became too much to handle, and he let himself act without thinking.

"Hikaru..." No response from the redhead. Kaoru spoke a bit louder this time, tone rough, "Hikaru, talk to me!"

Again, he got no response. So Kaoru took to drastic measures, shoving his hand out of his brother's grip, and pulling Hikaru into an empty biology room; he was left sprawled out on a lab table before Kaoru.

The shock from Hikaru was obvious; Kaoru wasn't the type to say much when his older counterpart was angry, and Kaoru knew it. Their eyes met for a brief second, before Hikaru's darted away, avoiding those identical honey eyes as he had been doing all day. He looked forlorn as he murmured, "Kaoru... I-"

"Why have you been ignoring me today!.? And what was all of that back there about!.? You don't have to be a total ass and haul off and hit Tono. He was trying to _comfort me_; you know, something you used to do before you became a total-"

"He had you pinned under him! You were crying! You can't just let him do what he wants to you; if he was hurting you, I swear I'll-"

"If you would listen to me, I would tell you, Hikaru! Tamaki was just trying comfort me; I was crying because... just because, okay!" Kaoru looked away as he said this, though he knew how incredibly obvious it would be to his brother.

And then it seemed, all most as quickly as it had taken Hikaru to get possessive and hit Tamaki, he calmed down a bit. For a couple of seconds, the two stayed silent before Kaoru felt Hikaru suddenly wrap his arms around his waist, securing him from squirming away, before pulling him under his body atop the table and into a searing kiss.

For a couple of seconds, Kaoru tried to convince himself that he didn't want it. He told himself that his heart kept fluttering and he felt the strong urge to cry again because he was surprised, and nothing more; that he hadn't spent all day wishing for the warmth that he felt now.

-he gave up when he felt Hikaru's tongue against his lips, needy moans escaping him as he desperately clawed at the back of his brother's shirt. Forgetting that he was angry at Hikaru, forgetting the amount of overwhelming sadness he had caused him to feel all day, of how much he wished he didn't crave his attention. Because it all didn't matter when Hikaru was pressed so close to him that he could feel lover's heart beating slow and steady against his own, his older brother's body so warm with the close contact, and at times like this it was hard to believe- or remember -why he could ever get angry with him.

Hot tongues entwined and hands started to roam a little as they began to get more passionate. Kaoru willed himself to pull away, knew they both needed to stop and talk, but he just couldn't bring himself to pull away.

He wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or disappointed when Hikaru broke the kiss for lack of air. And, with Hikaru's body still warm and comfortably pressed against his, he felt the older lean in close to him, tilting his head back to whisper into his ear.

"Kaoru; tell me, why were you crying?" the older boys warm breath against his neck and ear sent pleasurable shivers through his body, that he knew Hikaru had noticed. He tried desperately to keep his composure, and not give into the temptation that was his older brother. Kaoru _knew _what his brother was doing, because he _always _did that when he wanted something out of Kaoru. But not this time, Kaoru refused to be taken advantage of this time.

He broke away and struggled out from underneath his brother on the lab table, frantically scrabbling backward. The younger must have initially misjudged the length of the table, as he reached the end and felt no more solidity under his hands. He realized he was going to fall backwards. His heart lept like that of one who were about to go down hill on a large hill on a roller coaster, as he waited for the incoming pain that would surely be if he hard, tiled surface of the floor. Fortunately, Hikaru, reflexes heightened when he worried for his little brother's safety, caught hold of Kaoru's hand and quickly pulled him back up.

Kaoru was still determined not to look Hikaru in the eye; a loose seam in his jacket sleeve suddenly becoming fascinating. His voice betrayed him as it shook when he decided to speak again. "You- you can't just keep doing that!"

"Ne, Kaoru; I had figured you were a bit of a masochist, but I didn't think you were a glutton for pain. But okay, I won't help you next time." The Hitachiin's were, in principle, great actors. They could easily hide their feelings from the world, and look indifferent to it all, but when it came down to it they were too close to be able to keep things from one another.

Hikaru's defense mechanism for when he was hurt was to lash out and hurt others before they get to him. But with Kaoru, it was to either joke, seduce, or run away; all of which he had been doing all day.

"You know what I meant", Kaoru watched as Hikaru bit his lip and frowned in frustration, not looking back at him. Hikaru decided he wasn't going to answer him, mostly from frustration rather than anger.

"Do you even realize how much that hurts me?.! You think you can just kiss me and make me forget about everything just because you have communication problems. That, a second ago, is a perfect example! And you running away all morning... was that what last night was? Hm?" tears filled his eyes as he began to lose all control and yell at his older sibling. The look on Hikaru's face was of astonishment; no one, let alone Kaoru had ever really talked with him like this before. Kaoru's voice cracked and lowered a considerable amount as he continued his thought. "Was I just a quick fuck to you?"

Kaoru's heart skipped a beat, as he hadn't actually meant to say that aloud, much less as vulgar as it came out sounding; Hikaru seemed to be just as surprised.

And then, it seemed, Kaoru's sorrowful words began to reach Hikaru. Scooting across the short distance between he and his sibling, he pulled Kaoru into a tight hold around his waist. As Kaoru struggled, the grip only got tighter, his posture tense, his eyes wide and fearing. Kaoru looked up into those honey orbs that mirrored his own so well. A set frown upon his lips and sorrow in his expression, his eyes shown with the intensity Kaoru had only seen in the throes of passion.

His voice shook as his answered Kaoru; "How can you think I only want you for sex? Over and over, we prove how much we... we feel for each other and this is how it's going to be? How could you ever think that all I want you for is a free whore?.!"

Kaoru flinched away from this very true statement and glanced down again at his brother's chest. He hadn't ever wanted to believe his speculations of Hikaru using him. But what else could he believe? The volume of his own voice only seemed to increase with the tempo of his heart. "What do you expect me to believe when you've been acting like a child all morning? Just think that you were playing some kind of cruel game? Well, I'm not going to play along anymore: if you have something to say to me, just come out with it, okay?.!"

Strong arms pushed again Hikaru's chest, but equally strong arms kept him in place. Kaoru looked up to protest, no, _demand_ his release, but found himself rather with his twin's head on his shoulder, and soft shuddering gasps of sorrow coming from said twin. It was such an odd turn of events; seeing his brother that was always trying to seem like his big, strong, nii-chan, crying on his shoulder was unusual.

In a haste to comfort his lover, Kaoru held him close, trying to understand how his heart and intuition could differ so greatly.

This was the side Kaoru's dear brother refused to let the world see. On the outside, when he was upset about something or someone, he would seem indifferent-if not a little cold-but when they were alone, closed away from the Host Club and the world, Hikaru would lose his composure and cry. And it was up to Kaoru to hold him and put the pieces back together.

Kaoru secretly adored these moments. Not for that his older brother was so torn apart, but because he was the only one, and would remain the only one, of whom could draw passionate emotions from him.

"I- I never thought it'd be this difficult..." he wasn't clinging to Kaoru anymore. He was too afraid to speak, lest his voice shake and betray him. "You know what I mean... this, us, everything!"

Kaoru felt his heartbeat quicken, and a strike of fear that shook him. _He doesn't mean that he wants to... to... leave me, right? _Hikaru had started to tremble in his arms again; from sadness or frustration, Kaoru did not sobs had ceased by now, and the silence was dizzying. He was caught between wanted to hold Hikaru close, and let the warmth of the other comfort him, and wanting to run away and forget it all. He was first to break the silence, and ask the impending question:

"Hikaru... do you mean... I mean do- are you... Hikaru, are you saying you want things to be over between us?"

The tense posture should have given him an idea of what was to happen, but he was alarmed as Hikaru promptly moved away from Kaoru's body, roughly holding Kaoru by his shoulders, as he shook him a bit to say, "I would never let that happen, Kaoru! You're mine and you always will be!"

There was a feral look in his eyes, that got replaced with uncertainty as he murmured, "...well, I mean, unless you ever want to leave..."

Hikaru had always been fiercely protective over Kaoru, almost to the point of being possessive. Being that they had only really had one another in childhood, it was a more than a little understandable that they were terrified to lose each other.

Hikaru's thoughts had trailed off as into a whisper, almost as if even he was unsure of what he was saying. Honey colored eyes left his as he looked away, desperate to contain his sobs; Hikaru had a tough time expressing emotion. "Look, I mean...if you ever wanted to leave me... if you ever forgot me, I'll still be waiting for you. Because you mean everything to me, Kaoru."

Kaoru and his older twin had always had a bond, and unspoken connection that meant they could always understand what the other was thinking; it was not merely because they were twins, but more of an unbreakable tie for as long as they could say the others' name. But this, this was something neither had imagined could ever happen; Kaoru couldn't fathom the depths of his twin's mind, and the very thought terrified him.

"...I was afraid", Kaoru cocked his head to the side, prepared to ask what of. Hikaru spoke again, louder this time, as if he had sensed his confusion. "I never meant to let it get this far. I had always figured that sooner or later, you would forget about me and realize that there are so many better people for you, although it killed me inside to think of you moving on and leaving me. Is it so selfish of me to want you all to myself? To think that you would really want to stay with me forever? I was so afraid of getting hurt, of taking a chance to share all my weaknesses and giving my heart to you, that I hadn't anticipated falling for you so much more deeply everyday. I just love you so goddamned much!"

And then in a great show of bravery, or perhaps just sheer terror, Hikaru captured Kaoru with his honey deep eyes, still tear filled and waiting. As the words set in, Kaoru felt a rush or relief and happiness as he realized his twin was just as nervous and terrified as he. Offering his arms, Hikaru hesitated before allowing himself to be pulled tightly against Kaoru's chest in a warm embrace.

Kaoru felt the unusual urge to simultaneously cry and giggle like a madman. With Hikaru's head on his shoulder, he whispered teasingly enough that he knew Hikaru would catch his tone: "Stupid nii-chan... things are going to be different now, but that doesn't change what we have. The _only _thing that bothers me is when you start to run away. You terrified me this morning _because_ I love you so much... so you can stop freaking out, ne?"

He turned his head a bit-albeit with some measure of difficulty with Hikaru laying on his shoulder-to kiss the side of his head, using his free hand to absently stroke his brother's hair. Hikaru let out a sound of appreciation, relaxing against Kaoru with a small smile Kaoru did not need to see to know was there. He had his own tearful smile of contentment, holding Hikaru for as long as he would allow him to, just happy to feel his older brother's heart beating steady against his own. No words needed to be exchanged between the two, because their close, wavelength-like bond was as strong as it had ever been.

It was corny, sappy, and dramatic, just like the dramas that he and his twin would watch, laugh, and criticize. Kaoru had always sneered at dramatic romance-they were 'stupid and unrealistic'- but never had he ever imagined that he may one day experience what he had always laughed about. But he didn't _care_; nothing mattered more to him than holding Hikaru close, and knowing that should he ever lose all that mattered to him, it would never compare to having his precious twin taken away.

**~ Fin ~**

* * *

**_You know the drill:_ Read, review, give me motivation to write again! :D **

**NOTE: I might-keyword being _"might"_- write an epilogue sort of thing that involves Kaoru forcing Hikaru to apologize to Tono, a little KyouTama fluff, my attempts at writing humor, and just one of those, it isn't needed but it's fun kind of things. I already have ¼ of it written, so chances are, I'll add it latter. As of now: This fic will remain in the status of complete. I may change that if I decide to add it. ^-^**

**My next project: It's a toss up between a HikaKao lemon(my first), a crackish-fluff HikaKaoTama one-shot, an angst- ridden HikaKao one-shot(that probably won't include any fluff. I shall explore my angst-ridden side. :D), a Harvest Moon: Sunshine Islands yaoi romance fic(I'm not naming out any pairing. :p I'll keep that to myself for now), a Hetalia USUKe humor-ish romance one-shot, or a Hetalia Spamano humor-ish romance one-shot... Heh The plot-bunnies have indeed been visiting me lately, indeed. ^0~**


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